The power of reciprocity: I do something for you, and you do something for me.

A colleague asks if you can fill in for him over the weekend. You already had plans, but still you say yes. After all, a while ago he also bailed you out.

You get a Christmas card from someone you haven't spoken to in years. You immediately put her in your address list. You've actually sent too many cards already, but still you send her 1 too.

Reciprocity is 1 of the 6 principles of persuasion by Dr Robert Cialdini: professor of marketing and psychology and, in the field of persuasion and influence, the most quoted psychologist in the world.

The workings of reciprocity

Why does this work like this? Think of it as a shortcut for your decisions. Life is too complex to assess every element of every situation. So our brains learn to make shortcuts. Those shortcuts indicate what would usually be a good decision.

But not only that. As human beings, we want equal relationships and cooperation with others. The principle of reciprocity contributes to this.

So. When someone has done something for you and they later ask you for a favour, we automatically say 'yes'! A super powerful mechanism this according to psychologists. Even if we don't like someone or weren't waiting for the favour they did us, it works.

For instance, there have been many experiments where researchers sent cards to people they did not know. And guess what, the researchers got lots of cards back from those people. So even when we don't know people we feel the need to give something back. That's how powerful it is. It connects us to each other.

Applying reciprocity

Many companies make clever use of reciprocity. The company Amway gave away a full box of cleaning products to people. No cost or obligation. When they were asked to buy some, the number of orders was overwhelming.

Sounds simple. Give something away to someone. A gift, a service, valuable information or whatever. He or she will then feel you are owed something.

Fortunately, there are rules. And it starts with being open, honest and real as far as we are concerned. The gift, service or information you give should be meaningful and personal. The starting point is that you give, not that you want to get something.

Example: seats2meet

Another example is Seats2meet. Here you can walk in and work for free. There is free coffee and Wi-Fi. All they ask in return is that you be open to new contacts and spread Seats2meet in your network. But it is not compulsory. Again, if your experience is good, you do it automatically.

Four tips for reciprocity

1. Start giving

The basic idea is that you give something without expecting anything in return. You do kindness for another person and in doing so, you work on a long-term relationship.

2. Give something of significance

Give something of (added) value, something that actually benefits the recipient. Whether you get something in return or not, the recipient should get something out of it.

3. Make it personal

People feel more committed to people than to a company. Therefore, be real, write like you talk and make it personal.

4. Keep on giving

Reciprocity is not a quick marketing trick. Keep giving to the people you want to engage with your business and always help them along. Before, during, but also after any 'transaction'.